Wanting What We Can't Have

Why is it that we always want what we can't have? We want straight hair when our hair is curly, and curly hair when our hair is straight. We impatiently wait for Fall throughout Summer, and Summer throughout Spring. Why is it that Oreos, breadsticks and fries dipped in ranch only tempt us once the diet begins? We yearn for the car we can't afford, the dress that doesn't fit, and the lover that doesn't care. We crave the thrill of travel, but miss the warmth of our own bed. We are swept up by the predictably unpredictable and continue to try and tame the untamable.

It takes a few heartbreaks, over drafting fees, and one too many Oreos for us to learn that the pain is self inflicted. It's one of life's most difficult lessons, appreciating the things we are so blessed to have, while ceasing to chase after the things that set us back. So the next time you find yourself pining after the man with "trouble" tattooed across his face, step back and really think. In the wise words of Cheryl Strayed, chances are, "he is like a motorcycle with no one on it. Beautiful. Going nowhere."

If I were the Bachelorette

Although me and my girl friends are all smart, independent, career driven women, we love ourselves some Bachelor. We know it's tacky and a touch anti-feminist, but each and every season we are rearing for more. This season we've even made our own "fantasy league" - Bitches and Roses.
Just like any other Bachelor fan, I've always had some lurking desire to be on the show -this season more than ever. It's not Juan Pablo's salsa moves, sexy spanish accent, or even Juan Pablo in general, it's being able to choose from a pool of "eligible bachelors." As a chronic single woman, the idea of 25 men pining over me doesn't sound half bad. So here's how my season of "The Bachelorette" would play out...


My Bachelors:

If your claim-to-fame is making frat history for longest wizard staff, you wear jorts or cargo pants on a regular basis, or you can't remember the last book you read, sorry, you're out.

Chris Harrison would of course have my best interest in mind, ensuring that the majority of my suiters have beards. Some would have what I like to call B&B's (a bun & a beard), and I'd dabble in a few dapper dans - Chuck Bass style. All of my suitors will have careers - "free spirit" and "dog lover" will not cut the mustard.

The bearded man 

The dapper dan

Da B&B

My Twists:

The Rub Down: During the first rose ceremony, I'll skip the drunken getting-to-know-you small talk. Instead, I'll have each man give me a massage and give out roses based on their rub down.

Meet The Judges: Family and friends of the bachelor or bachelorette make rare appearances aside form the Hometown date. On my season, however, family and friends will help me choose. Just like Tyra Banks and her ANTM panel, the guys will have to woo us all if they wanna be on top and continue on in the hopes of becoming my main squeeze.

Rose Ceremony: Chris Harrison will not say, "this is the final rose tonight." Not only can we all count, but we can literally see that it is in fact the final rose.

The Proposal:

Unlike 99.9% of The Bachelor seasons, my season would make history like Trista and Ryan. Poems, tears, and a huge ring would be involved. And of course, we will live happily ever after....

Something Beautiful Remains

After a six year fight with alzheimer's disease, my grandmother finally lost the big fight. As a family member and one of my greatest role models, I'll forever have a special place in my heart for her. After a weekend of goodbyes, I was inspired to share my goodbye in hopes of memorializing the wonderful woman she was and will always be... 

Before her death in 1968, Helen Keller said, “Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.”

Rather than mourning the loss of a mother, grandmother, friend, or lover, I ask you to celebrate this passing, as Janis Manly has made her way into another room. A room full of new life and vibrant memories that were once lost. So as we gather here this afternoon and scratch only the surface of the amazing life she led, smile for her journey.

Although she has passed, something beautiful remains. Her spirit, which will find its way into the people and things she loved. Janis will forever live in the color orange, our family freckles, and all the memories she’s left behind. She will become part of all the things she cooked; “Palm Tree” salad, pot-a-fu, dill pickled pork chops, and the ginger she used in almost every dish. You’ll find her in the bottle glass windows, indoor plants, and Devils’ Walking Sticks. In wool couches, breezeways, touch latches, and rope wrapped around the stairs. She'll make her way into the crooked eyebrow that edges up the left side of my face. And she'll become that bright tube of lipstick or the loud patterned shirt. I’ll see her in fire works, Bow Mar signs, and waves of every lake. You will find her in Jim, in the memories in memories of Mayme and Limon, in Gretchen, in Kurt and in Gene. Parts of her will find their way into her grandchildren, the ones she told to call her Gran-Jan, and what is left of her beautiful soul will become part of her most cherished friends.

You will be forever missed, Gran-Jan.