27 October 2013

Be A Sweetie & Wipe The Seatie

I’ve been using the lady’s room for approximately 21 years. As a well-seasoned restroom user, I feel qualified to share my knowledge of bathroom etiquette with you. The next time Mother Nature calls make sure to keep these rules in mind.

My 7 Simple Rules to navigating the lady’s room:

1.     Don’t dawdle; be quick (channel your inner NASCAR-pit-stop crew.)

2.     Remember Karma’s a bitch, so be considerate. Help a neighbor in need and always hand her the toilet paper.

3.     Do not use the bathroom stall as a confessional. Public restrooms are not the place for spilling your innermost secrets to your friend one stall over.

4.     Groom yourself at home; the public restroom is not your vanity.

5.     Cellular devices should never be used during the performance. In fact, all cell phones should be stowed away upon breaching the restroom door.

6.     If at first you don’t succeed, keep flushing.

7.     If you dribble when you piddle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
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